Russell baker

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Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.
Americans like fat books and thin women.
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Reporters thrive on the world's misfortune. For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure in events that dismay the rest of humanity.