Eddie izzard

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

'ello, Sue. I've got legs. Do you like bread? I've got a French loaf. Bye! I love you

Cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that."Cake or death?""Eh, cake please.""Very well! Give him cake!""Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice.""You! Cake or death?"Uh, cake for me, too, please.""Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?""Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry...""You said death first, uh-uh, death first!""Well, I meant cake!""Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?"

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life. I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky. But why can't it be mine?

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.