Jack handy

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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.

If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).

I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.

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