Joey adams

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors

For women in their 30s, it's so hard to get good parts. If the guy in the movie is 30, they're going to take a 20-year-old to play opposite him.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

As we grow up we're no longer interested in dolls, we're suddenly interested in boys. Oh how we love those little boys. We doodle their little names in our school books. We play MASH and imagine what it would be like to live with "Joey, the doctor, in the mansion, with 4 children, and a 2 seater BMW". Sadly, as time goes on you realize that Joey MD is really Joey unemployed, still living in mommy's basement.